A Story Told in Round
by Masmune Forge
Summary: Duncan and Jill go camping in the middle of nowhere . . . and there, they encounter a Yeti.


A Story told in Round   
BOLD TYPE: Masmune Forge   
ITALIC TYPE: Mustadio   
Underlined type: Mage Mormis

**It was a dark, crisp, and cloudless night. Jill and her friend Duncan had just set up their tent in a grove, set deep within the heart of a old growth forest.******

** "I'm tired after spending an entire day hunting and fishing," Duncan said, sleepy-eyed, "I'm gonna go to sleep. What about you, Jill?"**

_"I still have some squirrels to skin," she replied. "I'll stay up for the first watch."___

_ Jill slung her club up over her shoulder and went back to the skinning rock. She set to work removing the pelts from the corpses of several dozen squirrels.___

_ Hours later she was resting against a stump, with the pile of squirrel pelts drying in the night air. Then something in the bushes behind her disturbed the leaves.___

**Jill whirled about to investigate, raising her warclub in a defensive position. The bushes stopped rustling. She slowly stepped closer to investigate. Each time she stopped moving towards the bush, it began to shake in response. Just when Jill got within three feet of the bush, it stopped moving altogether. Jill was tenatively beginning to step towards the bush again, when Duncan suddenly leapt out and tackled her. Jill responded by clubbing Duncan on the top of his head.**__

_ He dropped off to the side of her with a groan of pain, "Ahhhh . . . geez Jill, watch where you wave that thing."_   
__   
_ Jill waved the club back and forth angrily, "You know how jumpy I am, it serves you right."___

_ The rustling resumed.___

_ Jill frowned at Duncan, "Okay, enough of your tricks."___

_ "I'm over here nursing a concussion, how do you think I'd be doing that?"___

_ A few sticks snapped loudly as something large shifted about._   
__   
_ "Uh oh, This ain't good."___

_ "Ya think?" Jill spat._

_A sapling swung violently back and forth._

**The ground began to tremble as a giant Yeti charged from the woods,** wielding a large banana.

**"What tha . . .?" Jill trailed off as she stared at the spectacle. The Yeti had gray-white fur, large black eyes, and it was wearing a Denver Nuggets baseball cap.**

_The Yeti flung the massive fruit, forcing Jill to dive to the side. The banana splashed against the ground next to her and yellow gunk splattered all over her. The moment that happened, Duncan jumped onto the Yeti's back, and wrapped his arms around the beast's neck._

**"Yechh!!" Jill cried out when the thick, yellow gunk hit her with surprising gooeyness. She frantically tried to brush the mush off of herself, but it began to stick like syrup. She looked up from her actions long enough to watch Duncan jump on the Yeti.******

** "Yee-haa!!" Duncan shouted as he rode the Yeti like a bronco. The Yeti tried to fling Duncan from his back**, _but only succeeded in shaking him loose._

_ "Damnable monkey folk," cursed the Yeti. "If it weren't for the fact that I pity lesser cretinous beings such as you I would pulverize your body and eat your bones . . . not that I would enjoy that of course, I am far to civilized for such barbarous actions."___

_ Duncan's jaw_ **dropped as he did a double take. Jill stared in disbelief.******

** "You can talk?!" they both cried in unison. The Yeti looked at them as if they were stupid.******

** "Yes, of course, I can talk. Your language is sooo primitive, it's as easy as, how do you say, 1-2-3 to learn," the Yeti continued.******

** "But, then . . ." Duncan started. The Yeti raised his hand for silence.******

** "Well, then. Since you two creatures have learned my secret, you must be dealt with," he said menacingly. He produced another banana, raised it to eye level, and waved it back and forth. "You're getting sleepy . . . sleepy . . .you are under my power . . . sleepy."******

_Both keeled over instantly and crashed to the ground snoring.___

_ The Yeti looked at his banana and shrugged, "My, that was easier than should be expected. Primitive minds are far to easy to manipulate. Oh well, off to the caves."___

_ The Yeti put away his banana and took each of their ankles in his formidable paws, before striding back off into the forest dragging them behind._

**Back at the Yeti Cave, a guard armed with a banana greeted the first Yeti.******

** "Where have you been?"******

** The first Yeti responded, "I have a gift for the king."******

** "You may pass."******

** The first Yeti continued on, dragging its two human captives behind it. After going through rigorous security, the first Yeti found himself before the Yeti King.******

** "My liege, I present to you a gift of two humans, for your amusement," he said, bowing his head. He set the two still-sleeping humans in front of the King's throne.******

** The King approached them cautiously and poked them.******

** "Is that all they do?"**

_"Pretty much, m'Lord," he sniffed in disdain. "Although that one," he said poking Duncan, "did leap upon my back and attempted to choke me."___

_ "They look like little savages," said the Yeti King.___

_ "Oh, they are, Great Lord Orlandu," said the first Yeti. "They were murdering the Nuttibuddi tree people and skinning them for no apparent reason."_

**"Hmm . . . that is regrettable. The Nuttibuddi are friends of our kingdom," Orlandu said angrily, "They must pay for it."******

** "Yes they must. But how?"******

** "They must NARFUL the DRAFU!" Orlandu pronounced, rising from his seat with anger, "Bring forth the royal executors, we will teach these primitive dogs a lesson!"******

** Hours later, the first Yeti woke the two humans. They were in a dark room, lit by torches on the wall. Yeti wielding lyres, lutes, and drums surrounded them.******

** "Now . . .these dogs will DANCE until they DIE!!" Orlandu screamed.******

_Duncan and Jill, not understanding a word of the native Yeti language, were pushed out into a large ring and the music began to play.___

_ Duncan whispered to Jill, "What are we supposed to do?"___

_ "I don't know, but don't make any sudden moves, it might frighten them," she whispered back.___

_ Duncan walked slowly forward, "We . . . Come . . . In . . . Peace . . ."_

Suddenly a small man in a blue shirt and black pants materialized between them and the yeti king, and shouted into the air, "Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor not an exobiologist!"

**The entire room looked at the man in shock.******

** "Oh, wait. Wrong planet. Sorry," the man said. He faded into an aura of gentle golden light.******

** "If there are no further interruptions . . . the humans will now dance to their death!" the Yeti king screamed furiously. The musicians began to play a slow, orchestral piece. Jill and Duncan looked at each other confused.******

** "What do you think they want us to do?"******

** "I think they want us to dance," Jill said.******

** "Dance?!"******

_The first Yeti called to them, "Yes, you ignorant cretins."___

_ Duncan shrugged and took Jill by the hand and began to Waltz about the ring. The music was unbearably slow and made it very difficult to stay in pace.___

_ "My Lord! These Yeti have no sense of rhythm whatsoever," groaned Duncan.___

_ "Don't say that so loud you idiot! You might make them really angry_ **and then they could force us to do something worse than ballroom dancing!" Jill hissed.******

** "Yeah? Like what?" Duncan asked.******

** "They could make us dance the Macarena!" she replied. Duncan visibly cowered and continued dancing. Abruptly the music stopped. A new set of musicians came in the room, and they began to play country western music.******

** "Aw, hell naw," Duncan said, "I don't do country."**

_ "We need to figure something out fast, if this keeps up they'll kill us!" said Jill in despair.___

_ A shimmering appeared in front of them again and a cranky voice called out, "Dammit Jim! What'd I tell you last time? I'm a doctor not a . . . aw, wait. I love country western."___

_ The strange man was back._ **Again the whole room stared at him in confusion.******

** "What? Can't a doctor get down to some country now and then?" he asked. No one in the room replied. "What? What are you looking at? Wait a minute . . . there are no Yeti creatures on the planet Lycos. This is Earth! In the past? Again!?"******

** "Hey doc, you gotta help us!! These Yeti creatures are making us dance to horrible, tone-deaf, rhythmless music!" Duncan cried. Jill smacked Duncan in the back of his head.******

** "Quiet!! Quit sniveling!"******

** "Ow!"** _Duncan rubbed the re-injured lump on his head.___

_ Orlandu pulled himself up to his full_ **height of twelve feet.******

** "Oh, this is no fun," Orlandu said dejectedly, "Guards . . . um . . . kill them all." All the guards in the room rushed to obey the king's command. Most brandished a large banana, while some guards were armed with gourds. The one nearest Duncan clubbed him over the head.******

**"Ow! Why does everyone keep hitting me?!" he cried. The guard whacked him again, "Ow!! When does the hurting stop?"******

** The guards near Jill swung at her with a banana, which exploded mid-flight in a shower of pulp, goo, and sweet-smelling mush. It hit her dead-on, as she turned and attempted to run. **_The goo immediately stuck her to the floor.___

_ "This is the end of us," cried Jill. "Someone save us!"___

_ She looked imploringly at the strange Doctor, "I'm a doctor not a hero," he said stubbornly. Jill covered her face with her hands in annoyance, and immediately found them stuck there as well.___

_ Then a light shown from above and everyone stopped in awe, "These people are under the protection of Mighty Golgooey, cease now my mighty Yeti children."___

_ Orlandu fell to his knees before the light, "Yes o'mighty Golgooey, God of the Yeti people."___

_ "Good," boomed the voice and the light promptly disappeared.___

_ "You are free to go humans," said Orlandu. He waved to the other yeti and spun about leaving the area. Al the Yeti followed suit leaving the three humans alone.___

_ "Um. . . how do we get home?" Whined Duncan holding his head.___

_ The strange doctor put his hands on his hips, "I'm a doctor not a road map." Jill groaned in irritation.___

_ Dave Nelson promptly shut off his radio show, "That was interesting," he said as he drove off in his new black Jetta._   


**_The End_**   


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